Sitting here in a light green towel with water droplets falling from my hair down my back...I pout...I just want to feel gorgeous, smell amazing, be attractive and feel like a girl again.
I bought Dr. Bronner's baby soap tonight (which doesn't have any crap in it) and washed my hair with it. Upon opening the bottle though, I noticed that it didn't smell like anything. (My hands are now all chalky feeling from the soap, strange.)
I used it anyway and can't tell what my hair will be like when it dries...baking soda-eque I think.
Part of me wants to get in the shower, lather my hair 4 times over with shampoo and conditioner, get out and spray the most amazing smelling perfume (which I got for Christmas but has gone unused) all over my body, lather up in lotion and curl my hair.
Then there's a part of me that wonders what happens if I stick it out long enough. I mean, my body must be going through some kind of transition, right? I know it is, I just don't know to what extent it's happening. And I hang in the city all the time, working, making my dreams coming true...and those girls, they are just outwardly pretty (some of them). They look amazing, eat well (enough) and stun the crowds.
I want to feel gorgeous again.
Does feeling gorgeous mean putting on makeup or smelling like you've been bathed in a bath of rose petals? Does it mean having silky smooth hair to run your hands through? Does it mean having perfectly white teeth and bright eyes? Does it mean knowing how to put an outfit together? I feel like I'm teetering the line between old habits & a new way of life. Between wanting to fit in and just not giving a shit. Between beautiful/sexy/gorgeous to everyone else...and my new definition of beautiful/sexy/gorgeous.
The answers to these questions seem obvious, easy like "beauty comes from the inside" but it's not that simple once you're living this life style. I don't wear perfume, makeup, lotion and most days deodorant (I don't stink, I just don't smell like anything). I don't use laundry detergent or dryer sheets. I don't use shampoo or conditioner (OBVIOUSLY) or body soap. I don't use toothpaste or mouth wash (food grade hydrogen peroxide and some good old fashion floss...and brushing). Last week, I had a lung thing going on and my breath was gross no matter how much I brushed...and that was hard.
So literally, I'm left to smell like myself. And I don't know what that is. I don't know if it's good or bad or nothing.
All I do know, is that I want to feel pretty/sexy/gorgeous/beautiful again.
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You are, always have been and always will be god's greatest expression of beauty. You are so so loved.
ReplyDeleteSo I know what you mean because as we try to shift our lifestyle we are beat down about what beauty is. You, we and the world as a whole is beauty.
ReplyDeleteWhen everyone around you s wearing hig heels and make up and perfume and deoderant than we begin to feel like our ture self is not beautiful enough. You are totally on the right path.
To feel this beauty I take a sesame oil and put LOTS of essential oils in it and put it ALL over my body! This way I smell amazing and sesame oil penetrates the skin and goes deep into the cells dragging toxic wate into the intestines to be flushed out. You smell beautiful and you are healing your body. I even take the weekends to massage my scalp with the same oil and and rub coconut oil into the ends of my hair and tie it back with a beautiful scarf and oil my face. I don't shower I just allow it to work its magic :)